One of the mothers at my daughters school recently (and unexpectedly) lost her husband a couple of weeks ago... we didn't know each other, except in passing... last week I was told (via the "rumor weed") that she was now a widow. The rest of the week and all through the weekend, I felt a weight on my heart... and the strange feeling that I should talk to her. (since I'm also a widow and lost my husband unexpectedly as well... and I've got a young daughter the same age as hers) The feelings persisted the entire weekend. On Monday, I saw her at the 1st grade lunch (the parents are allowed to come in one day a month and have lunch with their children) and again, I got the feeling that I should talk to her. Okay, I am NOT the kind of person who can just walk up to someone and start a conversation. I'm shy and I tend to just stand back and watch things happen... this was WAY out of my comfort zone. I sat through the entire lunch trying to build up the nerve to approach her... well, it didn't happen.

After the lunch was over, I decided to wander around the Sanford mall until it was time to go back to the school to get my daughter. Well... lo and behold, who should I run into?? Yup. It was her. She was there with one of the other moms... this time I managed to get up the nerve to walk in her direction, but when they noticed me coming, all I could do was just pretend that it was a chance meeting and I just said "Hello" and then went on my way. I know, I'm such a chicken. I told myself that it was because I didn't want to discuss it in front of the other mom... yeah, right.

When it was about an hour before I had to pick up my daughter, I headed back to the school and sat in the car line area reading my book... and guess who showed up just as early? You guessed it! She was parked right in front of me. I could see that she was talking on the phone... so I told myself that I'd just wait until she got off the phone (secretly hoping that she talked until it was time for the kids to get out). Not 3 seconds after I had that thought, she hung up her phone.
It was at this point that it finally occurred to me that I WAS NOT in charge here... God was speaking to me... that voice that I kept hearing in my head telling me to go speak with her was not my own. So I started mumbling under my breath to God about how I heard him and I got the point... as I got out of my car and headed towards hers.

She saw me coming and I could see on her face (in her side mirror) that she wasn't happy to see me walking her way. I almost stopped and went back to my car, but I felt a push on my back at that moment. (okay okay... I'm going!! Geesh!) Well... she rolled down her window without even looking in my direction... then she turned her head slowly to face me. (poor woman! She was so tired of having all of the parents at the school telling her how "sorry" they were to hear about her husband... she really didn't to hear it again)

I handed her a business card and told her that my phone number and e-mail address were on there... she looked at me as if I was insane... then I explained why. "I'm a widow also. I lost my husband nearly 5 years ago in an unexpected way. I was devastated and I know exactly how you are feeling right now. If you EVER want to speak to someone who understands what you are feeling and understands what you are going through. Please call me." (I'm sure those weren't my exact words, because I was terrified and I don't really remember what I said) Well... we talked for about 45 minutes before we had to move up to get our girls...

I've spoken to her several times since then... she helped me one day to take pictures (she was a very good helper!) and we had lunch afterwards. I've been sharing my experience with her and hoping and praying that I'm saying the right things... I feel like the words I need are escaping me and I have no idea if I am really helping her. I really hope that I am...

One thing that I discovered when my husband passed away (and I've been telling her this often) is that I was much stronger than I thought I was. When my world came crashing down on me in April of 2004, I thought that I was going to die also. How could I possibly go on without him?? Then, months later, I looked at our beautiful daughter and I saw him in her... and it occured to me that as long as I had her, that I hadn't lost all of him... he wasn't completely gone.