So Far So Good

so... I've been able to resist the "late night snack" temptation... that's helping a bit. I think that it would be much easier if I was able to get to sleep earlier as well.

Right now I stay up for a few hours after I put my daughter to bed... not because I WANT to, but because I just can't sleep. It's not unusual for me to be finally getting to bed around 3 or 4 in the morning. It's been this way since my husband passed away...

With that schedule, it's around 9:30 or 10 pm when I get hungry and feel the desire to start snacking...

I have to say that I've got a "good" role model also. My mother is having gastric bypass surgery on the 28th and she's supposed to be on a mostly liquid diet for 2 full weeks prior to the surgery (2 liquid meals and one low carb / high protien meal each day). And for the two weeks before that (starting one month prior to the surgery) she was supposed to be eating low carb / high protien meals at EVERY meal. Well... if you listen to her talking to her family members on the phone, you'd think that she was being extremely strict with this... doing it completely by the book. But when you live in the same house with her and you can SEE what she's actually eating, you'll see that she's not following the diet at all. She doesn't seem to have any control over herself whatsoever. There are medical reasons for why they want her on this special diet prior to the surgery... to make the surgery safer and to ensure a success.

For the first two week period (where she was suppsed to eat low carb / high protien meals) she did manage to eat more protien, BUT she didn't lower her carbs at all. All she managed to do was eat more food than normal. She figured that the protien was the most important part (her translation of the doctors orders) and she'd make sure she was getting the proper amount... then for this last two weeks (where she's supposed to eat 2 liquid meals - high protien shakes mostly - and have one low carb / high protien meal) she's doing the same thing... she's drinking two liquid meals... but then she's "saving" the carbs at mealtime by only eating meat... so she can have a sugary snack. I also have a sneaky suspicion that she's got food hidden in her room somewhere... but I don't have any proof of that.

I said she was a "good" role model. She is. Just like she's been a "good" role model for me all of my life. I see what she is doing and I know that I don't want to do that, or be that way. I see how she's eating and how she's abused food and I know that I don't want to be following that same path.

I'm able to stick to my plan easier because I see that she's not able to... how's that make me look?? Honestly, I don't care. This is my life and I really don't give a hoot what other people think of me... my motto in life has ALWAYS been "if you don't like the way I look, then don't look at me". (and that goes for what's inside and out!) It's that simple.

I want to change my weight because I am not happy with myself. I miss being able to run and play and jump and climb trees... I really miss having energy (and I think that SLEEP has a lot to do with my problems!).

okay. I'm done for today. I'm not going to brag about the scales showing 2 lbs less than they had last week... because 2 lbs is NO BIG DEAL. When I get to 10 lbs... I'll start braggin'!!!